Happily Ever After Isn't Easy Page 9

  Gabe couldn’t stop the laugh that came out of him. And unfortunately, it sounded less amused and more unhinged. “Oh God. I can’t believe this.” Gabe swiped his hand over his mouth. “That is so far from the truth. If you were serious about the date—”

  “Of course I was. I wouldn’t have asked if I weren’t.” Brandt frowned, and Gabe feared he’d pissed the man off.

  His reaction took all the humor out of the situation. Gabe had to fix this. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh. What I want to do is apologize about Friday night and freaking out on you. And what you saw on Sunday wasn’t what you think it was. I want to explain it all, but not here in this parking lot.” Gabe paused when he realized what he’d said. He lowered his voice and looked down as he twisted his hands in front of him. “I mean, what we did in the parking lot at the bar, I loved it.”

  A moment of silence caused Gabe to look up, and Brandt was biting at his bottom lip. “Really? Because I thought…. Damn, I thought I’d misread you and forced you to do something you didn’t want to.” Brandt chuckled dryly. “I’ve felt so bad and avoided your call because I thought you were going to let me have it. I was really scared that I hurt you.”

  Jesus, could their assumptions have been any more off base? “You didn’t, really. What we did was intense, and I’ve never felt anything like that before.” Gabe tried to convey his sincerity. “Can we just talk and I’ll explain?” If his heart beat any harder, it was going to explode or he was going to stroke out.

  When Brandt smiled, Gabe exhaled and his muscles unclenched. Sweet Jesus, he’d missed Brandt, and realized the constant ache beneath his ribs hadn’t been from the loss of Tim but thinking Brandt didn’t want him. Maybe there could be something between them.

  “Sure. How about a beer? I have to get a shower first. Meet me at the Wooden Nickel at five thirty?”

  Gabe drew in a shaky breath, the excitement tingling across his skin. For the first time in his life, he felt free to move ahead. “I’ll be there.”

  AT FIVE fifteen, Gabe stepped into the Wooden Nickel. Scanning the room, he saw only a few people at the bar, but it was Tuesday, which tended to be slow. Convincing Brandt he was worth the effort required talking, so they needed to be somewhere quiet. Gabe hoped Brandt thought he was worth the effort. Gabe couldn’t shake the sense memories of their explosive session behind the bar, leaving him in a state of perpetual arousal. Even as he nursed his beer at the bar, he shifted uncomfortably as his semihard dick pushed against his zipper. Whenever the door opened, Gabe’s heart leapt. It was after five thirty, and fear that Brandt wasn’t going to show crept into his head. Gabe had no clue where Brandt lived, and Julia would never divulge that information. Maybe Gabe could find him online. Cyber stalking. How low would he go? Pretty low, he guessed.

  “Hey.”

  That low, sultry voice never failed to hit hard. Gabe spun in his seat. “Damn, how do you sneak up on me like that?”

  Brandt grinned. “I’m talented.” He signaled the bartender, then placed his order.

  Gabe smirked, thinking of just how talented he was after the parking lot incident.

  When the bartender placed a Samuel Adams before Brandt, Gabe suggested they get a table. Brandt gave one of his economical nods and followed Gabe to the back of the room, away from the people and the jukebox. Gabe pulled off his coat and draped it over the back of the chair. Brandt did the same, and Gabe tried not to choke on his tongue as Brandt displayed a tight blue Army shirt with bulges in all the right places. What did a man like him even see in someone like Gabe? Gabe’s confidence took a nosedive.

  “Quiet here tonight.” Brandt scanned the room.

  “Usually is on a Tuesday. Thanks for coming.” Every word was an innuendo that Gabe tried to avoid. He felt like a sex-crazed pervert.

  “I’m glad you asked.” Brandt’s dark eyes left Gabe’s nerves buzzing.

  Gabe nodded and scraped up the courage to continue. Licking at his lips, he leaned his elbows on the table and scratched at his beer label with a thumbnail. “In my head, I had so much to say, but now, you have to know I’m really not good at this.” He gestured with his hand between them.

  Brandt cocked his head, and the corner of his lips lifted. “I could tell.”

  Gabe snorted. “I’m sure you could. I’m definitely not smooth or self-confident. Truthfully, I’m fumbling along in the dark.”

  Brandt leaned forward, his relaxed expression taking on a more serious edge. “I get it. Meeting people, getting to know them, trying relationships…. I was in the military for seventeen years. That’s hard enough on straight relationships, but being gay, it’s nearly impossible. Even with the repeal of DADT.”

  Gabe realized he wasn’t the only gay man who was looking for a relationship and coming up empty-handed. “I couldn’t imagine how hard being gay and in the military would be.”

  Brandt laughed. “Not hard because of a lack of sex. There were even straight guys who’d fuck me just to get off.”

  “Seriously?”

  Brandt shrugged a shoulder. “Not many, but enough that if the rumor got around that someone was gay, they’d come nosing around. Tons of one-night stands or some longtime flings but nothing serious. I found the same thing when I started to look for a serious relationship. I have met guys who wanted the relationship, but we didn’t click.”

  Gabe had had his share of those offers. “I tried a few dating sites, since there aren’t a huge number of gay men in Westport or the surrounding area…. Well, those that are out, that is.”

  Brandt sat back. “Hey, I don’t begrudge anyone the lifestyle they want to live. If you want to have multiple partners, Gabe, go ahead. I just wanted to let you know I can’t do that. I’m getting older, and I’m looking for a relationship.”

  Gabe rubbed at his forehead. “I’m not looking for multiple partners. Far from it. I can’t even get one partner.” He huffed. “Hell, I was married to one person, one woman, for eighteen years. What you saw on Sunday was me saying good-bye to someone who wasn’t relationship material. He, Tim, was the first person I fell in love with in high school. I mean, I loved him so much and never stopped loving him since, or so I thought.”

  “So you’re saying you are looking for a monogamous relationship?”

  Gabe shook his head and chuckled, wondering how he’d gotten to be the loose one in this thing between them.

  He grinned wide. “Yes.”

  Chapter 12

  THAT BROUGHT a satisfied grin to Brandt’s face. “Good.”

  Gabe felt the relief of clearing that up right down to his toes.

  “It sounds like you’ve had some of the same experiences I have in trying to date in the gay world.”

  Gabe snorted. “You have no idea. I can’t get a relationship, but I can have sex every night of the week, make that day too, in as many freaky and weird ways you can think of. Makes you wonder.”

  Brandt leaned forward with a fire in his eyes. “I don’t know why relationships are so off the table for so many gay men. Maybe have your cake… lots of different kinds of cake.”

  Gabe smirked at the cake analogy. “My friend Marty says most gay men aren’t built that way. He’s pretty campy and he’s a player, but I think he uses that campy, flaming persona to catch a certain type of man, not just gay men. He even does drag every so often, and I swear the stories he can tell about so-called straight guys hitting on him even knowing what’s in his pants are amazing.”

  Brandt’s eyes widened. “I love drag. Man, I’ve seen some risqué shows around the world. Wherever I was stationed, I always checked out the shows.”

  “Well, maybe sometime we’ll head over to Burlington and catch a show. They also have a yearly charity event called Winter is a Drag Ball. They always have a theme.”

  “I’d like that. So can I ask you something? It’s personal, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want.”

  “Sure.”

  “You were married to a woman, and you said t
hat lasted for over eighteen years. Are you bi?”

  Gabe exhaled. “I’ve asked myself that many times, but if being bi means being attracted to men and women, then no. I’ve never been attracted to women. I’m still not. I wasn’t out as a teen. Tim asked me to come out because he was, but back then being gay wasn’t as accepted as it is today. In this small town, much less. My mother and stepfather—he’s a retired Navy commander, just so you know—were very Catholic. Tim outed me right after graduation. I don’t think he meant to, but they found out.” He still wasn’t sure it had been an accident.

  “Bet the shit hit the fan with the commander.” Brandt’s concerned expression was touching.

  “Oh, that’s an understatement. Not just the commander, but my mother as well. I had to convince them what they heard was wrong. That I wasn’t gay.” Gabe closed his eyes, thinking of how he’d betrayed himself. Wishing he hadn’t denied that he was gay wouldn’t change the decision he’d made, but at least he would have been true to himself. “They really didn’t believe me and were very cold after that. Didn’t help that I’d never had a girlfriend in high school. Told them I was too focused on school and they bought it. Anyway, I was such a people pleaser that I set out to prove them wrong, to get back into their favor. When I got to college, the first girl who was interested, I snagged. That was my ex, Karen.”

  Brandt leaned forward and touched Gabe’s hand. A shudder raced through him. Needing the touch, Gabe grasped Brandt’s hand, uncaring who in the bar saw them.

  “I can’t imagine how hard that was for you. I mean, I never really came out to my family until I left the service, but I didn’t have to pretend to be someone I wasn’t. I was career military, no time for a wife and kids, and all my father knew was that he had a son serving his country, and he was proud. My mom passed away when I was in high school, so I’m not sure how she would have reacted, but I think she would have been okay with it.”

  “I’m sorry about your mom. Did you tell your dad?”

  Brandt nodded. “He didn’t say much of anything, actually changed the subject to the situation in the Middle East. I didn’t push. It hasn’t come up in the six months since I told him. I’m guessing he’s either processing the fact that he has a gay ex-military macho son or is hoping it will go away. He lives in Massachusetts now, so I don’t see him much. Wait until I bring someone home. Then I’ll find out what he really thinks.”

  Gabe hoped that Brandt’s father accepted him. Having a parent reject who you were was heartbreaking. “My stepdad passed away a couple of years ago, before Karen and I split. After the divorce, I told my mother. She calls on the holidays, talks my ear off about everyone else in the family. She blames me for ruining my marriage, even though Karen was the one who cheated. My mother says she wouldn’t have cheated if I didn’t like men, if I’d tried harder… if I’d been able to give her the children she so desperately wanted.” Gabe felt the pain in his chest. “What she doesn’t know is how I stayed in that marriage despite the lie I was living. I took my vows seriously. And how desperately I wanted kids too. Then she goes off and gets pregnant by someone else.” Yeah, that part was what had been hardest on Gabe.

  “I’m sorry, Gabe. I can see how much those kids mean to you.”

  He snorted. “I love them. I’m forty-three years old, in a broken-down aging body, and I latched on to the kids my ex had with another man. I let the man who I thought was the love of my life tear my heart to shreds, then realized I probably didn’t really love him at all. I think I’d built him up in my fantasies over the years to survive living a life I didn’t really want. And that realization I have you to thank for.”

  Brandt cocked his head. “How so?” There went that cocky, sexy eyebrow again, yanking at Gabe’s gut.

  Gabe rubbed his thumb over the back of Brandt’s hand, the connection exciting and so new. “Because you noticed me. Seemed to be interested. I’m, well, you can see what I am. A formerly married fake-heterosexual guy with love handles and crow’s-feet and possibly thinning hair. And then you come along and kiss me and”—Gabe leaned closer and whispered—“give me the most mind-blowing orgasm I’ve ever had. Scared the shit out of me because I believed there was no way it would ever happen again.”

  “That’s why you ran.” Brandt squeezed Gabe’s hand, his hazel eyes intense.

  “Yeah. Tim really did a number on me, but I did a lot of thinking over the weekend. And I realized Tim was an idea, a fantasy, and a player.” Gabe snorted, and Brandt smiled. “He’s been in so many relationships, can’t keep one to save his life, and I was just another in a string of men. I didn’t like how that felt. Then he showed up, and I knew I was over him. I told him so. He wanted a hug. Then he kissed me, but….” Gabe grinned. “While he was kissing me, I was thinking of you.” That sent a flush of embarrassment and lust through Gabe.

  “Oh yeah?” Brandt’s voice was low, almost growly.

  Gabe ventured to meet his gaze. “Yeah.” He barely whispered the words, and right then he wanted to kiss Brandt again. Needed to kiss him, but that wasn’t possible in a bar that was filling up quickly.

  “Tim didn’t look like he was ready to let go yet.” Translation: What if he comes back?

  “No. Even if he comes back and wants to start again, that part of my life is over. I was stuck in the past. I’d really like to go on that date if you don’t think I’m some psycho, unstable person, which I’m not. I’m not sure how well I’ll do, though, given that my last first date was in the nineties.” Even with Patrick, they had bypassed that dating matrix and gone right to spending the weekend together.

  While Brandt didn’t release his hand, he silently surveyed Gabe. The silence was unnerving and scared him right down to his toes.

  “So your last date was in the nineties?”

  Gabe smirked shyly. “Yeah.”

  “And you said that you’re forty-three?”

  Gabe pursed his lips and nodded. “Yeah. Please don’t tell me you were in kindergarten when I was dating or something like that.”

  Brandt actually chuckled, and the relaxing effect of that sound on Gabe was refreshing. “More like getting my driver’s license.”

  “Phew. Robbing the cradle isn’t my idea of fun.” Gabe could feel his eyes growing wide. “I didn’t mean to imply we were doing anything. I mean, I understand if you don’t want anything more. I mean….” Shit.

  Brandt leaned forward with a crooked grin. “You’re kinda cute when you’re all flustered.”

  Gabe snorted and then kind of hiccupped. Suave, Gabe. “Then I must be downright adorable most of the time, because it’s my normal state.”

  “I wouldn’t disagree with that—the adorable part, I mean. I’ll need more research on the flustered part. There are so many ways I can think to fluster you.”

  Now Gabe’s face was burning hot. His cock sat up and begged in his jeans with the memory of that sexy body giving him so much pleasure.

  Down, boy.

  “So,” Gabe said, shifting in his seat. “Where do we go from here?”

  Brandt’s expression was unreadable for a moment. “I guess I need to make an honest man out of you and ask you out on a proper date.” Brandt smirked, and his eyebrows rose. “Will you go out on a date with me, Gabe?”

  Fuck, yes!

  “Yes.” He agreed before Brandt could retract the offer. Gabe knew he was grinning like the cat that swallowed the canary.

  GABE HAD to wait until Saturday for his date. Work was busy and provided some distraction from his raging impatience. His excitement equaled going to the World Series and getting to meet the team after the game—in the locker room. Thursday he’d spent another afternoon at the park with the twins. Brandt had joined them for a short while, and they played save Princess Maddy from the dragon. Mikey was the knight who saved her. Brandt got to be the dragon, while Gabe had only a bit part as the king who sent Mikey out to save her. While the kids were energetic as always, they had been cranky and a bit unruly. Mikey especially
had thrown a huge tantrum, thankfully after Brandt left, when they had to leave the park. So unlike him.

  As he drove to Karen’s from the park, he thought of Brandt and his ease with the twins. If the man didn’t have dad material written all over him…. Gabe’s biological clock was ticking, so to speak. Having kids this late in life, he’d be an old man when they graduated high school. He wondered if he should even think about having a baby with someone. Long ago, Betsy had agreed to be his surrogate with Karen when they had initially thought the issue was Karen and not Gabe. Would she still be willing? Would Brandt be willing? Could Gabe stop thinking about them as if they had a future before their first date?

  He groaned and got out of the car. Randy’s truck wasn’t there again. Mikey had fallen asleep this time, and Maddy looked to be heading there. He carried them both to the door, but it was locked.

  “What the…?” He rang the bell. “Why is the door locked?” Gabe said to no one in particular.

  “Mommy ’fraid of woman,” Maddy said.

  “Did you say Mommy is afraid of a woman, so she locks the door?”

  “Uh-huh.” Maddy nodded. “I’m ’fraid too.”

  The door opened, and Karen reached for Mikey. “Bring her upstairs. They need a nap.”

  Gabe followed with Maddy, who had her head back on Gabe’s shoulder. He laid Maddy on her bed and kissed her cheek. Her eyes were already closing. He covered her with her purple princess blanket. He kissed sleeping Mikey as well.

  Karen told him she’d be right down. Gabe went into the kitchen. There were papers everywhere, drawers emptied, food pulled out of the cupboards. The mess was massive. When Karen entered the room, she didn’t say a word about the state of the kitchen.

  “Karen, what happened in here?”

  She gazed around. “I’m looking for something. Don’t worry. I’ll clean it up.”

  “What’re you looking for that you had to empty every drawer and cupboard?”